Get to the Point: How Ratings are Scored

After playing the first game and devising what I thought would be a relatively simple valuation system, I realized I have yet to explain said valuation system. A lot of 'review' type places like to use the school-style grading system (A/B/C/D/E/F, or for kindergarten, PASS/LESS PASS) or a 1-10 point scale to describe their opinions and perceptions of said game media. This is not to be one of those styles.

To add a bit of panache to said board game valuation, I've decided to go with a relative valuation of chess pieces. Chess pieces, board game, it all flows in the karmic oneness of the universe in an amazing and fundamental way. I considered using an hourglass and making Days of Our Lives jokes here, but I considered that it would get old incredibly fast, and to be honest, a lot of games no longer use the hourglass methodology, so it would not only be stale but completely inappropriate in most cases.

Now, I'm sure there are those of you who will be thinking that you can't attribute concrete values to chess pieces. First off, shut up, I'm in charge here. Second, if you want to get incredibly down and nerdy with it, we shall state that I am using an aggregate of chess valuations over the years -- look chess values up on Wikipedia if you're really bored or really, really into chess -- which goes like so:

The PAWN: Lowliest of the pieces, the pawn is generally looked upon as nothing but cannon fodder in a typical chess match. (For those of you once again stating the value of the piece is RELATIVE, again, shut up, I'm in control here.) This will denote the lowest rating, and generally means something to be actively avoided. Yes, even thrift store $.99 buys are not worth the time of day for an overall PAWN rating.

The KNIGHT: Scoring higher on the scale than the Pawn might say something, but it doesn't say much. That's sort of like saying your beer was rated higher than Miller High Life -- congratulations, you don't suck the most! The Knight can be somewhat useful, but generally is considered low on the scale. An overall knight ranking might mean a $2.99 pickup, but not much more than that -- good for a couple plays and then you'll likely see a game in the bin at Goodwill or Savers again.

The BISHOP: Avid chess players will generally state that the Bishop and the Knight are equal in stature -- in this universe, you're wrong. The bishop, by way of seating closest to the coveted Queen and King, ranks slightly higher in these here books. A bishop rating is a run-of-the-mill rating that means it's got some value, but not enough for an over $20 buy or so. Expect to get a few good plays out of the game but it likely won't be coming out of the closet with an explosive fury like Ru Paul or anything.

The ROOK: The rook's got class -- castles definitely are an indication of some high valuation in a society -- but just like crusty European nobility, a castle's got nothing on royalty. A great game-player with solid backing behind it, the Rook's equivalent can be considered a $20-$30 purchase, perhaps used on eBay or the like, or even a new game that's selling a little lower. Certainly worth a purchase as you're browsing if you can get a somewhat good deal, but definitely not a huge spender.

The QUEEN: Wow, Ru Paul was an awesome transition earlier. Good job, myself. The Queen is a solid piece worth her weight in gold, but isn't the cream of the crop. A solid little lady that definitely warrants a target, but not a game-changer. These are the general ways most "good" board games will fall under -- not something you're going to have to rush out in a sugar-induced (or whatever else induced you'd like, hey, I'm not judging here) fury or anything about, but definitely worth a pickup. Say upwards of $50 for this.

The KING: I almost considered just using a picture of Elvis here. Elvis in a gold jumpsuit actually seems pretty appropriate. I'll make a mental note to do that, perhaps. At any rate, the King is the end-all be-all of the game. King dies, game over. Highest value. Equate this to a game you absolutely have to stand in line for at midnight or camp out like a crazed Harry Potter fan -- if the full price is $75, you're going to want to pay it. Subsequently, this rating is near impossible and only a few games will ever reach this status.

Now, the ratings will be in varying areas, but all reviews will have similar categories. Those categories are:

• Marketing/packaging
• Board quality
• Complexity
• Entertainment Value
• Variability
• Potpourri

I will always state how much I paid for said game, as how much the game costs is a significant factor. Likewise, occasionally rarity will become a factor as well, as collectors always like rare items. The color purple does not indicate rarity in this instance. What this means to the reader is that a game may be given a "RARE" stamp on it or the like to indicate that although the game is completely and utterly horrid, it's worth over $100 on the collector market so if you find one, buy it, if for no other reason than to flip it on eBay for a nice little profit.

Obviously in the review I will do a play-through of the game and explain impressions and opinions of said game. More color photos than a family vacation will likely ensue as well to increase the comprehension for my terms and technical statements about gameplay. I may add an icon or two to explain something further, but it will always have an explanation behind it within said review itself.

With all that systematic description out of the way, I'm going to move into the first review -- Roller Coaster Tycoon: The Board Game!